Wednesday’s are for ‘dubbyas’ so it’s time once again for me to fight off my own ignorance of the world and delve into the world of current events. Not all the current events though, just the ones that interest me and that I have an opinion on. This isn’t a news piece people, it’s an opinion piece based on the news. Get your facts straight fact checkers; else I will sink your sloops. This one is a little “Occupy”-centric, but it’s really all I’ve been reading about this past week so I’ll pass it on.

Remember a little while ago I said I was going to try and steer away from celebrity news since it was mostly just a waste of time and that we as a race spend too much time indulging in grotesque voyeurism directed towards the famous? Fuck that! There’s a shirtless man beating up Shia LaBeouf! Of course, TMZ has a video of it. Celebrity news is amazing! It’s like I had a dream of something and it came true! I mean, I’ll admit that in my dream Shia LaBeouf was wearing rollerblades and the fat man was actually the Kool-Aid man (ooooHHHH yeahhH!) but still.

I don’t even know if I want to learn more about this story or if I’ll just make up my own story about how it happened. I like to think that maybe the tubby fat man blames Shia for Vancouver’s Stanley Cup loss last June. Or maybe he, like me, blames Shia for destroying bits of my childhood, bit by bit. Indiana Jones and Transformers? Seriously? You need to shit on them both LaBeouf? Bad enough that your name is fucking stupid but you really need to keep to your business and stop raping the childlike innocence out of my eyes. TMZ claims it was unclear why they were fighting but I’m pretty sure I nailed it.

“Hey Shia, stop ruining my childhood!” *tears shirt off and lays the smack down*

Not to be outdone by Boston’s police force or Officer Bologna (am I the only one who repeatedly read his name when he pepper sprayed that girl, sure that it had to be a typo or something, I mean come on, Officer Bologna? His first name is Anthony? He’s Tony Baloney!? Remember kids, because we’re bad at Italian, we pronounce “Bologna” as “Baloney”), NYPD Officer Johnny Cardona spun a protestor around and punched him in the face. I think that’s what we’re looking at in this picture, I mean, maybe it’s a stock photo or something when you search “policy brutality”. I hope not though. I hope this is a picture of Johnny Cardona (a name I would’ve thought was a little funny if it wasn’t up against the likes of Tony Baloney) punching a protestor.

This is a critical point in these protests I think. As more and more incidents of police brutality pop up it’s pretty important to stay calm and make the police look like the bad guys. The #OccupyWallStreet movement has a reported 87% approval rating amongst New Yorkers. That’s a good thing. The more support the protestors have among everyday citizens, the better. Every time a cop steps out of line they end up looking like the bad guys. Don’t do like Rome.

If you haven’t been paying attention, last Saturday (October 15th) marked the date when a number of international cities would join the 99% in protest of the globally corrupt and inequitable financial institutions. Like I said last week, Montreal even joined the party. So far so good Montreal, you’ve managed not turn this protest into a riot. I know it’s hard. I know it goes against the grain, but you’re doing it! Rome? Not so much.

Basically, the Italian 99% took to the street and instead of going about their business they picked up rocks and threw them through windows. Didn’t you read that paragraph I just wrote Italy!? That’s not the way to do things! Apparently some of the protestors produced Molotov cocktails and also smashed up some ATM machines. I know that when I go to a peaceful protest (or playoff hockey game) I usually pack a Molotov or two, you know, just in case we win- I mean, just in case.

This sort of makes sense though. In America, they’re pretending that corporate corruption is a new thing, so they’re maybe not as pissed off as they could be. In Italy, corruption is often second nature. With questionable police tactics, politicians and soccer dives, it’s got to be hard to be part of the 99%.

Here are some photos of the Occupy Montreal protests. We planned on going down but you know, I went to go play paintball instead. If they’re still around next weekend we might take a trip to see the sights.

Occupy Wall Street Photo from
Occupy Rome Photo from

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