The Constantly Being Updated Greatest Movies Of All Time List

This is an organically grown list from the 9 to 5 Entertainment System. Every time we mention a film (starting May 2016) we’ll be ranking it compared to every other film on the list. Eventually we’ll have an ordered list of every film ever made on on here, or we won’t. Regardless, having done over 100 podcasts about geek pop culture clearly makes us authorities on the qualities of movies.

Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back [1980] – Irvin Kershner

“Empire is the Die Hard of Sci-Fi movies, they were one thing and they became another thing. You don’t see Logan’s Run or Zardoz anymore… so many of the best moments of Star Wars come from Empire” – Scott, Jon

Mad Max: Fury Road [2015] – George Miller

“I can’t even talk about Mad Max: Fury Road because I’ve written like ten blogs about it.” – Keith
Brick [2005] – Rian Johnson

“The script is so good that you printed it out and gave it to me in a duotang one year as a Keithmas present (…) a masterpiece of noir genre cinema.” – Keith, Jon
John Wick [2014] – Chad Stahelski, David Leitch

“They killed his fuckn’ dog.” -Scott
Alien [1979] – Ridley Scott

“A+ director, here’s some straight horror and I am a master artist.” – Keith
The Matrix [1999] – The Wachowski Brothers

“Tense action scenes. World building is show not tell. Holds up.” – Scott, Keith
Back To The Future [1985] – Robert Zemeckis

“They explain a time paradox in a kid’s movie in a way that I understood when I was 10.” – Scott
Dazed And Confused [1993] – Richard Linklater

“Alright, alright, alright are the first words Matthew McConaughey says on film. He’s not wrong, I’ve seen this 20 times.” – Keith, Scott
Jurassic Park [1993] – Stephen Spielberg

“The beginning of the modern era of special effects.” – Jon
Ghostbusters [1984] – Ivan Reitman

“There’s no reason this movie should be as good as it is.” – Keith
Aliens [1986] – James Cameron

“Ripley with the loader at the end ‘get away from her you bitch’ that scene is… amazing.” – Scott
Back To The Future Part II [1989] – Robert Zemeckis

“There’s a weird dark tone of spousal abuse and alcohlism and murder in the second act and you’re like… aw.” -Scott

The Cabin In The Woods [2012] – Drew Goddard

“Thing is playing an entire genre like a… like a fiddle?… no! like an orchestra” – Keith, Jon
Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope [1977] – George Lucas

“Zingo zingo!” – Keith
Conan the Barbarian [1982] – John Milius

“There’s so many shots in this film that are so much better than they have any right being.” – Keith
Terminator [1984] – James Cameron

“Shit that movie was good. Cameron was fucking non-stop out of the park, right?” – Scott, Jon
Blade Runner: 2049 [2017] – Denis Villeneuve

“Much like the original, other than movie nerds and geeks… I’m just happy that we get to live in the world where this got made.” – Keith, Jon
Dunkirk [2017] – Christopher Nolan

“Captures the visceral all-encompasing screwed-upness of war.” – Keith
Terminator 2: Judgement Day [1991] – James Cameron

“I love it but the first few cracks of age are starting to show. Oh man the performances…” -Scott, Jon
Parasite [2015] – Bong Joon Ho

“There are holes in our economic system and you made it a movie. I don’t think anyone has done it with this degree of nuance.” – Keith, Jon
The Thing [1982] – John Carpenter

“It held up, although I prefer my horror a little more low key” – Jon
Hackers [1995] – Iain Softley

“This movie came out and it touched me in my special place.” – Jon
Get Out [2017] – Jordan Peele

“This movie could singlehandedly stand as a horror renaissance. A trendsetting film for all of horror.” – Keith
Hook [1991] – Steven Spielberg

“Hook is for anyone with a childhood.” – Keith
I’m Thinking Of Ending Things [2020] – Charlie Kaufman

“So dark. Two days after watching it it’s still running through my head. You’re not watching the movie you think you are. The movie that you are watching you feel so bad for the guy.” – Jon, Keith
The Shape of Water [2017] – Guillermo del Toro

“Guillermo del Toro directs a Creature From The Black Lagoon kinda romance film.” – Keith
Hereditary [2018] – Ari Aster

“The point of this movie is it’s scary as hell. It’s messed up. And it sticks with you. ” – Keith
Don’t Breathe [2016] – Fede Alvarez

“The tension levels are insane.” – Keith
Being John Malkovich [1999] – Spike Jonze

“The level of crazy could have stopped at the pipe, you know? It kept going into a crazy sex triangle. And the element of preparing vessels.” – Jon
Resolution [2012] – Justin Benson, Aaron Moorhead

“The film Resolution is better than the film Star Wars: The Force Awakens, by J.J. Abrams” – Keith
Thor: Ragnarok [2017] – Taika Waititi

“Everything is dialed up to 11 and it’s ok because everyone is having fun. It’s Asgardian.” – Jon, Scott
The Mummy [1999] – Stephen Sommers

“Every character is perfect.” – Scott
Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse [2018] – Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey

“I went into it prepared to hate it and I fuckn loved it. High energy and super fun.” – Jon
The Transformers: The Movie [1986] – Nelson Shin

“Nelson Shin did the very best that could be done with the command: kill all the toys and make everyone care about the new toys. Also balls to the wall action.” – Scott, Keith
Big Trouble In Little China [1986] – John Carpenter

“Big Trouble In Little China was great. Kurt Russel doesn’t shut up the whole movie.” – Scott
The 13th Warrior [1999] – John McTiernan, Michael Crichton (uncredited)

“Great for a dumb action movie, some quotable lines” – Scott
Jojo Rabbit [2019] – Taika Waititi

“The ending was yeah, there is no real answer for this kid but he gets to have a little dance with his friend and thats great.” – Keith
John Wick: Chapter 2 [2017] – Chad Stahelski

“without creative force [of John Wick 1]” – Keith
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 [2017] – James Gunn

“It’s John Wick 2; more of the same without ruining what made the first one good.” – Keith
Logan [2017] – James Mangold

“Succeeded in almost every way. Like John Wick but with Wolverine.” – Scott, Keith
Spider Man: Homecoming [2017] – Jon Watts

“Yeah, I’m super done with Spider Man. Well then you should watch this one it’s just the best.” – Jon, Keith

Song of the Sea [2014] – Tomm Moore

“Very comparable to My Neighbor Totoro. Whaaaaaa?” – Scott, Keith
Stand By Me [1986] – Rob Reiner

“Timeless classic whatever” – Jon
Heathers [1988] – Michael Lehmann

“Way darker than you expect. How did this get made?” – Jon
In Bruges [2008] – Martin McDonagh

“I’m touched a little on the inside. I really hope he doesn’t die. ;(” – Jon
Spiderman: Far From Home [2019] – Jon Watts

“It’s funny and light at the right moments. Fluffier.” – Scott
Avengers: Endgame [2019] – Anthony Russo, Joe Russo

“Thanos and dragons, man, how do they work?” – Keith
Black Panther [2018] – Ryan Coogler

“Killmonger was a better villain than Thanos” – Scott
Avengers: Infinity War [2018] – Anthony Russo, Joe Russo

“What I really liked about this movie is that every time it cut to a new character, it felt like their movie. (queue Keith nitpicking)” – Scott
It [2017] – Andy Mschietti

“13 producers credited on this thing. It payed off.” -Keith, Jon
Coraline [2009] – Henry Selick

“My favorite thing about the movie is she is fully on board with her other parents, right up until they say ‘Let’s sew buttons into your eyes'” – Scott
Funeral Kings [2012] – Kevin McManus, Matthew McManus

“Funeral Kings is the 2012 Stand By Me.” – Keith
Princess Mononoke [1997] – Hayao Miyazaki

“Has these parts which are laggy, there are great reversals about whether or not someone is a villain, but it muddies the waters. An unsatisfying ending.” – Scott
Annihilation [2018] – Alex Garland

“Divisive and quite open to interpretation. Quality sci-fi.” – Jon
Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban [2004] – Alfonso Cuaron

Keith gave me a quote to put here but I’m not doing it and instead I’m documenting that Keith has Harry Potter tattoos. This isn’t a joke he seriously does.
Mandy [2018] – Panos Cosmatos

“The arthouse revenge Nicholas Cage masterpiece. This is the reason I go to see movies.” -Jon
Knives Out [2019] – Rian Johnson

“Hit a lot of notes right, but kind of failed to come together. Hanging plot off of the vomit thing was interesting but kind of gross.” – Jon

Ex Machina [2015] – Alex Garland

“The list is probably not making any fucking sense we have totally different opinions of this film and we’re 100% ok with where it goes on the list. Or perhaps the list is perfect. ” – Jon, Keith
The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs [2018] – Ethan Coen, Joel Coen

“Scenes where it is so dark and so funny at the same time. True human stuff in a sad crazy kind of way.” -Jon
Arrival [2016] – Denis Villeneuve

“In terms of science fiction pedigree up there with Contact” – Scott
Office Space [1999] – Mike Judge

“Still funny but maybe not as much.” – Jon
The Crow [1994] – Alex Proyas

“Did really really well at masking the low budget. Full of teenage angst.” – Scott
A Quiet Place [2018] – John Krasinski

“It’s a great movie if you can get over the fact that these characters made the dumbest decision ever. Holds its tension together for the full run.” – Keith
The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! [1988] – David Zucker

“Everything is so dumb and lowbrow anything anything anything for a gag and Leslie Neilsen just ties the room together. Frank Drebbin is the worst, fucks everthing up, and does it with a perfect straight face. ” – Jon
The Edge of Seventeen[2016] – Kelly Fremon Craig

“This is pretty high for a teen girl comedy you’re trying to sell to us. It’s better than Stand By Me.” – Jon, Keith
Rogue One [2016] – Gareth Edwards

“It is a prequel, to the original Star Wars trilogy, that is good. That is something that lots of people spent lots of money trying to do, and failing again and again and again.” -Scott
Deadpool [2016] – Tim Miller

“I was ready for Kevin Smith Does Wolverine but then it was a lot more funny than that” – Scott
Sneakers [1992] – Phil Alden Robinson

“I appreciate a good Robert Redford vehicle as much as the next guy.” – Scott
The Hunt for Red Octorber [1990] – John McTiernan

“If you give it a pass for the accents there are good performances all over the place and it’s great. Great scenes, lots of tension.” – Jon
Black Widow[2021] – Cate Shortland

“It has pithy banter which has been missing from Marvel movies for a while. Fun.” – Scott
Slow West [2016] – John Maclean

“It’s amazing, it was like Wild West Unforgiven meets a Wes Anderson movie.” – Scott
Star Wars Episode VII The Force Awakens [2015] – J.J. Abrams

“I don’t think the Force Awakens is better than the originals, but I don’t think it’s so much worse.” – Keith
The Ninth Gate [1999] – Roman Polanski

“Restrains itself from turning into a special effects fest, but it gets so many things wrong. I am astonished that I enjoy watching it. The main character is kind of along for the ride and pathetic and lame.” – Jon, Scott
Ready Player One [2018] – Steven Spielberg

“They replaced the Tomb of Horrors with Mario Kart” -Keith, Jon
Wonder Woman [2017] – Patty Jenkins

“It has rough spots for sure but it definitely worked out. In a sense, the bottom of the good list.” – Jon
Top Gun [1986] – Tony Scott

“We like this movie but it’s basically proto-Jerry Bruckheimer crap.” – Keith, Jon
Baby Driver [2017] – Edgar Wright

“So damn clever. But lacking a ton of substance.” – Scott, Keith
Murder on the Orient Express [2017] – Kenneth Branagh

“A full A-list cast each of them bringing their A-list game for a period piece drama mystery. It’s great watch. I liked it. ” – K
The Fate of the Furious [2017] – F. Gary Gray

“The Fast and the Furious Crew are basically at this point government mercenaries who get hired for special jobs to drive real fast and blow stuff up and use their cars as airplanes” -Keith
Kong: Skull Island [2017] – Jordan Vogt-Roberts

“”I’m gonna kill that monkey” – Sam Jackson. It’s so good. The effects and the action are balls to the wall.” – Scott
Ghost In The Shell [1995] – Mamoru Oshii

“Unexpected layers of complexity.” – Keith
The Jungle Book [1967] – Wolfgang Reitherman

“A Disney classic that you go back on and it’s exactly what it should be. Still good.” – Scott
TMNT [2007] – Kevin Munroe

“The writing holds up. It was great. A special place in my heart” – Scott, Keith
The Mighty Ducks [1992] – Stephen Herek

“The film went on to spawn an actual NHL franchise. Yeah that has won a Stanley Cup more recently than the habs.” – Scott, Keith
Raya and the Last Dragon [2021] – Don Hall, Carlos López Estrada

“The movie was fun. More D&D than Disney has gotten before.” – Scott
The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part [2019] – Mike Mitchell

“The first one was delightful. The second one delivers exactly that.” – Jon, Keith
Pitch Perfect [2012] – Jason Moore

“Lemongrab style review: acceptable.” – Keith
Pacific Rim [2013] – Guillermo Del Toro

“5 years later, fight scenes are still better visually and easier to follow than the Transformers movies. It doesn’t attempt to go beyond being a fun movie where robot fight monsters. And that’s ok.” – Keith, Jon
The LEGO Batman Movie [2017] – Chris McKay

“Does Will Arnett carry this thing? Not wholly, Michael Cera is fucking hilarious.” -Jon, Keith
Joker[2019] – Todd Philips

“He’s the protagonist, even if he’s the villain. You’re meant to sympathize with him. The villain of the film is really society. Do I care about identifying and sympathizing with this character? I dunno, I prefer the character as a nameless force of nature. “The world’s greatest detective” is supposed to be foiled by an anonymous psycopath.” – Jon, Keith
The Descent [2005] – Neil Marshall

“It does everything above average. It is low budget, but it explores the premise without screaming at you.” – Jon, Keith
Sleepaway Camp [1983] – Robert Hiltzik

“Its so far out there from a movie that is making campy jokes about young girls’ boobs to full frontal nudity gender twist cannibal screeching ” – Jon
Child’s Play [1988] – Tom Holland

“It takes itself so much more seriously than I remembered. The first ones are always better before they start cashcowing it.” – Jon, Keith
Creep [2014] – Patrick Brice

“I would have been super pumped to see this at Fantasia” -Keith
Bliss [2019] – Joe Begos

“Genre conventions nobody wanted. Cool in the 80s vampire way like nobody knows how to act. Crazy gore though!” – Keith
The Disaster Artist [2017] – James Franco

“Kind of disappointing but James Franco was amazing” -Jon
The Bad Batch [2016] – Ana Lily Amirpour

“It has a bunch of clever moments, a bunch of clever characters, and some incredibly clever dialog, but never at the same time, and it never comes together to make a satisfying end.” – Jon
Mr. Dynamite: The Rise of James Brown [2017] – Alex Gibney

“He’s a fascinating character, and the documentary doesn’t have the courage to get into it.” – Jon
F9: The Fast Saga[2021] – Justin Lin

“We might be immortal. If you’re lucky every single time it stops being luck and starts being facts. Have you stopped and thought about it? Everything we do is impossible a dozen times over. ” – Keith
Cast A Deadly Spell [1991] – Martin Campbell

“Film Noir murder mystery detective, except in a Cthulhu Lovecraftian version of LA. Kind of a Jim Henson feel.” – Scott
xXx: Return Of Xander Cage [2017] – D.J. Caruso

“Is he downhill skiing in a jungle? YES HE IS ITS GREAT.” – Scott
The Mask Of Zorro [1999] – Martin Campbell

“Antonio Banderas puts on a mask and jumps on a horse and the horse runs around and he stabs guys. Delivers on every promise it made.” – Jon, Scott
Savile [2016] – Arthur Cary

“I failed in my job as a documentarian. It was wonderful!” – Jon
Jurasic World [2015] – Colin Trevorrow

“It hit all the notes I would want in a Jurrasic Park movie but was still just for fun.” – Jon
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire [2005] – Mike Newell

“The most Edward Cullen of the Harry Potter movies.” – Scott
In The Tall Grass [2019] – Vincenzo Natali

“A flawed beast. They scream a lot. It’s a bit much.” – Scott, Jon
The Lost World: Jurassic Park [1997] – Stephen Spielberg

“In that category of ‘good…'” – Scott
Chappie [2015] – Neill Blomkamp

“The expanded Die Antword cinematic universe. I can’t say this enough, I loved this movie, it’s dumb as bricks.” – Keith
Ocean’s Eight [2018] – Gary Ross

“Did you like Ocean’s 11? If so, you’d like it. It was pretty much the same movie but with ladies.” – Scott
Bad Times At The El Royale [2018] – Drew Goddard

“There’s a great 1:40 cut of this that is amazing” – Keith
Ant Man and the Wasp [2018] – Peyton Reed

“Mediocre in a complimentary way. Hard in 2019 to show audiences something they haven’t seen before.” – Keith
Sonic the Hedgehog [2020] – Jeff Fowler

“Fun for the whole family.” – Scott
Venom [2018] – Ruben Fleischer

“What if Ant-Man had a little cannibalism?” – Scott
Solo: A Star Wars Story [2018] – Ron Howard

“No creative talent working on any of this stuff. They’re so petrified of fucking it up. Literary cowardice.” -Jon
Nobody [2021] – Ilya Naishuller

“On the bus he pulls down the thing you pull down to ding to choke out a guy. A lot of neat Def Jam Fight For New York arena type shit. If it wasn’t such a ripoff of John Wick…” – Keith
Life [2017] – Daniel Espinosa

“Basically it turns into a little alien and then it gets loose and it tries to kill everyone on the International Space Station. Great… hows that go for them? Uh… not well? Ok.” – Scott, Jon
Star Trek Beyond [2016] – Justin Lin

“It plays the tropes like Star Wars but just not as well.” – Scott

Rubber [2010] – Quentin Dupieux

“In that (Brechtian) theater tradition of ridiculousness, to point out the ridiculousness of life” – Jon
Interstella 5555: The 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ystem [2003] – Daisuke Nishio, Hirotoshi Rissen

“As a soundtrack it’s tops of the tops but how do you rate that as a film?” – Keith
Hagazussa [2017] – Lukas Feigelfeld

“Other than the fact it was slow and long it was a well shot creepy movie. No problem recommending it to anyone who liked the Witch. Tried to get there but didn’t quite get the payoff.” – Keith, Jon
The Evil Dead [1981] – Sam Raimi

about the tree rape scene: “Legendary, because it was so freaking disturbing in a way that a lot of horror movies were not” – Scott
Toy Story 4 [2019] – Josh Cooley

“I watched it under duress I hate the Toy Stories. It won an Oscar. Was it any good? No it was a weak year for animated features.” – All
Zootopia [2016] – Byron Howard, Rich Moore

“Cool and clever and talks about weirdly heady racism issues in a Disney context. A theme without preching to the audience.” – Scott
The Long Goodbye [1973] – Robert Altman

“What happens if a good person lived in a time where everyone is awful. Robert Altman is kind of a crazy person anyways.” – Scott
The Karate Kid [1984] – John G. Avildsen

“Never at the top of a list of 80s classics. It was so omnipresent.” – Jon, Scott
Idle Hands [1999] – Rodman Flender

“Teen horror comedy good for a bunch of laughs.” – Jon
Last Action Hero [1993] – John McTiernan

“How did this go down as one of the worst Schwarzenegger films? 2019 and 1993 are different times.” – Scott
Bumblebee [2018] – Travis Knight

“A good B+” – Keith
Jason And The Argonauts [1963] – Don Chaffey

“Forget Casablanca, the greatest film of all time is Jason and the Argonauts” – T. Hanks
Prometheus [2012] – Ridley Scott

“This is the one with Noomi Rapace? God she could not save this movie. Are you out of your mind she’s the worst part. Guys, there’s a lot wrong with this movie you could both be right.” – All
Bird Box [2018] – Susanne Bier

“If you have Netflix watch it it is a horror that does interesting things” – Keith
Pokemon Detective Pickachu [2019] – Rob Letterman

“It was fine. The story made narrative sense. In like, the bottom third of the Pixar catelogue. Better than incredibles 2, but not as good as Incredibles. ” – Scott
Winchester [2018] – The Spierig Brothers

“It managed to be tense but without that big holy crap payout.” – Keith
Dark Crystal [1982] – Jim Henson, Frank Oz

“It’s beautiful, but it’s not great. 70’s fantasy quest.” – Keith
First Blood [1982] – Ted Kotcheff

“The climax of the movie, Rambo cries for 10 minutes talking about the shit he saw in Vietnam. It has heart.” – Jon
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword [2017] – Guy Ritchie

“Kinda strange you’d think the time was right, fantasy done differently is hot right now.” -Jon
Ghost In The Shell [2017] – Rupert Sanders

“I have a lot of trouble wanting to go back and see Ghost In The Shell again. Not even boring just dry. – Jon, Keith
Moana [2016] – Ron Clements, Don Hall

“Disney movie about Pacific Gods and magic quests.” – Scott
Flatliners [2017] – Niels Arden Oplev

“Go back and watch the original the new one adds nothing to it.” – Scott
The Strangers: Prey at Night [2018] – Johannes Roberts

“Maybe they’re trying to make a monster movie out of it? Maybe it’s a bummer.” -Jon, Keith
Kickboxer: Vengeance [2016] – John Stockwell

“GSP and Van Damme have a conversaion. Why aren’t they talking in French?!” – Keith, Jon
Cropsey [2009] – Barbara Brancaccio, Joshua Zeman

“I hated this movie as a documentary. I was enraptured by this whole thing, Scott.” – Scott, Jon
Blue Sunshine [1977] – Jeff Lieberman

“Despite some stiffness has a weird creativity that comes from people trying to do different shit” – Jon
Revenge [2017] – Coralie Fargeat

“The camera eyeball fucks her the whole movie, and you’re making me part of that. Kind of like Luc Besson sleazy faux femenism.” -Jon
Ghostbusters [2016] – Paul Feig

“The four of them were funny. Funny enough to be worth watching. (??? – Jon)” – Scott
Cars 3 [2017] – Brian Fee

“We made it to 3. Let’s get really depressing.” – Scott
Solace [2015] – Afonso Poyart

“Better than what the poster made it out to be on Netflix.” – Scott
Dragonslayer [1981] – Matthew Robbins

“I want to watch a fantasy movie where someone fights a dragon with a big sword, and they cast Peter MacNicol?” – Scott
Rush [2013] – Ron Howard

“Super weird to see a movie with two main characters who are completely assholes” – Scott
Blockers [2018] – Kay Cannon

“There are worse movies to watch on a plane.” -Scott
Ferdinand [2017] – Carlos Saldanha

“Wait this isn’t 10 John Cenas fighting a bull? When a new kids’s movie comes out I have to watch it, and I had to watch this film, and I wish I didn’t.” – Jon, Scott
Escape From Planet Earth [2013] – Callan Brunker

“Kids movie with a bunch of B-Listers!” – Scott, Keith
Run All Night [2015] – Jaume Collet-Serra

“I’m picturing this as Taken with a good bad guy.” – Keith
Love & Mercy [2014] – Bill Pohlad

“The villains are too cartoony it takes away from the punch of the real story.” – Jon

Krush Groove [1985] – Michael Schultz

“It delivered on everything you thought it would be in every level, just like maybe too much Curtis Blow” – Scott, Keith
Bohemian Rhapsody [2018] – Bryan Singer

“Basically garbage.” – Keith
Deathstalker [1983] – James Sbardellati (as John Watson)

“Rapey” -Scott
Voyage to the Bottom of The Sea [1961] – Irwin Allen

“I thought it was going to be a fun 60s popcorn movie, but instead it was just really, really dark.” – Scott
We Are Your Friends [2015] – Max Joseph

“Take Trainspotting and remove all grittiness.” – Keith
Happy Death Day/Happy Death Day 2U [2017/2019] – Christopher Landon

“Ballsy: Guys we had a lot of fun making that movie let’s just fucking do it again” – Jon
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers: Runnin’ Down a Dream [2007] – Peter Bogdanovich

“It wasn’t a negative that it was so long” – Scott
My Scientology Movie [2015] – John Dower

“My expectations were to get a new view on Scientology. I do not feel like I got a new view on Scientology.” – Jon
Warm Bodies [2013] – Jonathan Levine

“Warm Bodies is gonna shoot straight to the bottom of our list but it was still better than it had any right to be.” – Jon
Rampage [2018] – Brad Peyton

“Does he smash buildings real good? Real good.” – Jon, Scott
Hellboy [2004] – Guillermo del Toro

“The weird ressurection hound is ressurection hound that they fight throught the movie is always bad. Every scene he’s in you’re like: this is not interesting, this is not entertaining, I just want it to end. And they fight it 4 times.” – Scott
Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker [2019] – J.J. Abrams

“Star Wars, as a brand, has been taken out back and beaten with a stick. There is nothing left. No, on the front lawn, and all the neighbours have their cell phones out. It’s sad.” – Jon, Scott
Suicide Squad [2016] – David Ayer

“He’s (Will Smith) fine. He’s like if Pursuit of Happiness was about a guy who kills people with really cool guns all the time.” – Scott
Legend [1985] – Ridley Scott

“Legend is a poor film. First half is not bad then it gets sloppy. Falls apart in the end and becomes hot garbage.” – Keith, Jon
A Boy And His Dog [1975] – L.Q. Jones

“A zany comedy in the way that Clockwork Orange is a zany comedy” – Scott
Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimensions [2015] – Gregory Plotkin,

Long story short. Paranormal Activity: Ghost Dimeonsions, more Paranormal Activity. I can’t believe they’ve done it for six movies.” – Keith
Power Rangers [2017] – Dean Israelite

“Power Rangers. I don’t think it could have been better.” – Scott
Mortdecai [2015] – David Koepp

“Could I sit through that movie again? For two hours? I could totally sit through that movie again for two hours” – Scott
Gone In 60 Seconda [1974] – H.B. Halicki

“We filmed a 30 minute car chase, oh we gotta do a movie to lead up to this…” – Scott
Pitch Perfect 2 [2015] – Elizabeth Banks

“Suffered from sequelitis. Bigger budget less success” -Scott
King Kong vs Godzilla [1962] – Ishirô Honda

“This movie was outstandingly awful. Oddly endearing because it’s so bad.” – Scott
Dune [1984] – David Lynch

“The movie is hot fucking garbage and I struggle to consider why I enjoyed watching it.” -Jon
Rambo: First Blood Part II[1985] – George P. Cosmatos

“[take Rambo 1 with heart and action] lean into the action violence juvenile nonsense, forget the heart, that’s the second Rambo.” – Jon
No Holds Barred [1989] – Thomas J. Wright

“This movie is about nothing. He starts out as the champion. There is no arc. Hulk Hogan does not lose fights in this movie.” – Keith
Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace [1999] – George Lucas

“A rolling disaster.” – Jon
Garbage Pail Kids [1988] – Flint Dille

“I may have watched it at 3x speed. I missed nothing.” – Scott
The Art of the Steal [2013] – Jonathan Sobol

“Art of the Steal has one flaw: it lied to me.” – Scott
Baywatch [2017] – Seth Gordon

“Plot terrible. Banter? Clever… enough.” – Scott
Goon: Last of the Enforcers [2017] – Jay Baruchel

“They sat down and were like ‘we have a 3 hour Goon movie, guys… UH OH'” – Keith
Justice League [2017] – Zack Snyder

“The only thing that’s good about it is that Cyborg says “booyah” at the end.” – Scott
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows [2016] – Dave Green

“TMNT 2 was watchable” – Scott
Descendants [2015] – Kenny Ortega

“This movie I could honestly sit through again if it didn’t have the songs. Teen drama, fine, the songs are so bad. Boyband Be Our Guest.” – Scott
The Mummy [2017] – Alex Kurtzman

“Don’t watch this movie. So bad it tanked the Universal Monster Cinematic Universe” – Scott
Rambo III[1988] – Peter MacDonald

“He’s holding his bow and arrow, there’s a shot of him greased up, he pulls the arrow back he shoots the arrow and it cuts to something obviously that he’s nowhere near to and it explodes Michael Bay style and he pulls another arrow back and he explodes a tank.” – Jon
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides [2011] – Rob Marshall

“Ian McShane as Blackbeard man how much cooler can you get? It looks like garbage.” -Keith, Jon
Another Wolfcop [2017] – Lowell Dean

“Canadian Trauma: He jerseys a guy with his own skin.” – Keith
Pink Flamingoes [1972] – John Waters

“If you want to be shocked and titilated by film, there’s a root to that here. He (John Waters) expresses shock and amazement he made some scenes.” – Scott
Mac and Me [1988] – Stewart Raffill

“This movie goes beyond merely incompetent or terrible and into advertising. The entertainment comes from the MST3K otherwise it’s going in dry.” – Jon
Dark Phoenix [2019] – Simon Kinberg

“What was the main failure of the film? There are many.” – Jon, Scott
Underworld: Blood Wars [2016] – Anna Foerster

“Kate Beckinsale doing ok. It tripled its money. There will be another Underworld. It was bad.” – all
X-Men: Apocalypse [2016] – Bryan Singer

“It’s much better than Batman vs Superman (…) but Oscar Isaac is wasted as Apocalypse.” – Scott
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice [2016] – Zack Snyder

“Dark Knight 2, Dark Knight 3, the really shitty Frank Miller Batman who’s been panned for the last 20 years. Zack Snyder is like ‘that’s the Batman I want'” – Keith, Scott
X-Men Origins: Wolverine [2009] – Gavin Hood

“Was it the wars? Yes Which one? All of them” – David Benioff, Skip Woods
Wonder Woman 1984 [2020] – Patty Jenkins (uncredited)

“HBO Time Warner AOL didn’t have the money for a sountrack. She uses her one wish to get back her boyfriend from 70 years ago for 2 weeks.” – Scott, Keith

Return to Nuke ‘Em High: Vol 1 [2013] – Lloyd Kaufman

“An hour and a half of a movie screaming at you. Mission accomplished you’ve alienated everybody.”- Keith, Jon
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them [2016] – David Yates

“Boring enough to shut off.” – Phil
Batman: Gotham by Gaslight [2018] – Sam Liu

“There’s a 20 minute fight scene at the end and the mystery is already over. You’re not The Joker or a superpowered threat.” -Scott
Dark Shadows [2012] – Tim Burton

“Fails abominably at everything. Comedy not funny. Spooky not scary. So glitzed up with Alice In Wonderland sheen, not fun and not funny.” – Jon
Outlaw King [2018] – David Mackenzie

“There is no character development from start to finish.” – Scott
Independence Day: Resurgence [2016] – Roland Emmerich

“It shits all over the things you liked about (the first) Independence Day.” – Scott
The Mechanic [2011] – Simon West

“… or The Driver, or every Jason Statham movie since Snatch” – Scott
Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones [2002] – George Lucas

“If you ever have someone you love, and you want to get them into Star Wars, just don’t watch Episodes I, II and III. There’s nothing valuable there.” – Jon, Scott
Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith [2005] – George Lucas

“If you ever have someone you love, and you want to get them into Star Wars, just don’t watch Episodes I, II and III. There’s nothing valuable there.” – Jon, Scott
London Has Fallen [2016] – Babak Najafi

“Is this pro American? Or is it parody? It’s impossible to tell. To the point where everyone in London was incompetent.” – Scott, Keith
United Passions [2014] – Frédéric Auburtin

“A god damn travesty propaganda piece of unbelievable ambition. Who was this for? Other than who it was about. Self sucking terrible piece of garbage. ” – Scott
Xanadu [1980] – Robert Greenwald

“So many things went wrong, but the core flaw is that Michael Beck’s Sonny Malone is less likable than Michael Beck’s Swan in The Warriors who is a violent rapist.” – Jon
The Love Guru [2008] – Marco Schnabel

“Shades of Nothing But Trouble. The whole movie had a single chuckle.” – Jon, Keith
Fantastic Beasts: The Cimes Of Grindelwald [2018] – Robert Hiltzik

“This movie was the Jason Bourne of the Harry Potter Verse” – Scott
Batman: The Killing Joke [2016] – Sam Liu

“The dialogue was bad and the animation was bad and I decided to keep going and then Batgirl got raped. And then it ended.” -Jon
Jason Bourne[2016] – Paul Greengrass

“It’s like watching the first 3 Bourne movies again except you already know what happens and you don’t care. Neat! It’s boring.” – Scott, Keith
Cats [2019] – Tom Hooper

“Terrible nonsense nightmare fuel that never comes together. Movies can be anything now. Hollywood has learned they can do anything and it doesn’t matter.” – Keith
The Room[2003] – Tommy Wiseau

“You don’t see penis and vagina, but you do see bumping butts (…) you need to see it for the trainwreck that it is.” – Sophie
Catwoman[2004] – Pitof

“Not a movie about Catwoman. A movie about a Cat Woman. Not Selina Kyle. Not quite visually or socially offensive, bad but enough to get mad at in every scene so vaguely amusing.” – Keith
Jem and the Holograms [2015] – Jon M. Chu

“The quality of everything is the worst of everything. With Friday Rebecca Black level pop music.” – Jon
DragonLance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight [2008] – Will Meugniot

“You want to be on board but it sabotages itself at every move. All of the characters are the worst possible version of themselves from the books.” – Jon
Tiptoes [2003] – Matthew Bright

“What ultimately got made was a very boring film.” – Keith
Soul Man [1986] – Steve Miner

“Was… made by someone who did intend to start some kind of racial dialogue he just was the worst person in the world” – Keith
This Giant Papier-Mâché Boulder Is Actually Really Heavy [2016] – Christian Nicolson

“I finished this movie and was like, no wait, I hate it. I’m only picking on it a little. Just goes wrong all the time.” – Scott
Verotika [2019] – Glenn Danzig

“Horror movie wrapped into 3 little vingettes. Verotika. You could tell nobody wanted to be there, people were maybe creeped out by Glenn, the girls constantly take their tops off and the footage is wooden and flat and the camp moments are soaking in boring bad.” – Jon
Sex and the City 2 [2010] – Michael Patrick King

“None of it is engaging and these four women talk about themselves and their shit and how rich they are and how disconnected they are and they revel in it. Its a fantasy that none of it was interesting to me and I was offended and bored.” – Jon
The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let’s Do The Time Warp Again[2016] – Kenny Ortega

“Just watch the original there is no point in ever watching this movie” – Keith
Paranormal Entity [2009] – Shane Van Dyke (uncredited)

“Lights turning off and on. Phone rings, nobody’s on the other end. Footprints on the ceiling. A lot of out of focus cameras pointing at the ground. Spooky.” – Keith, Jon
Nothing But Trouble [1991] – Dan Aykroyd

“Nosedived the careers of Chase, Aykroyd, Candy. Not Demi Moore though. Not a single scene was ready to be in front of the public’s eyes.” – Scott
Leonard Part 6 [1987] – Paul Weiland

“I’ll bring the funny.” -Bill Cosby
Movie 43 [2013] – Elizabeth Banks, Steven Brill, Steve Carr, Rusty Cundieff, James Duffy, Griffin Dunne, Peter Farrelly, Patrik Forsberg, Will Grahm, James Gunn, Brett Ratner, Jonathan van Tulleken, Bob Odenkirk (uncredited)

“When Trey Parker and Matt Stone go this isn’t funny it’s just dumb and gross. Do you know how dumb and gross something has to be? Painful to watch.” – Scott