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I know something that I want to talk about that is super current and I haven’t even looked anything up! Yay me!  However, as is my style, it will not be the first thing I will talk about (life is full of mystery).  The first thing I’m going to talk about is Dark Souls, the follow up to 2009’s cult video game hit Demon Souls.

Let me start off by saying that I’ve never played Demon Souls, but here’s what I know about it.

1. The game is incredibly hard to begin with.
2. To make matters worse, every time you die, all the monsters become more challenging.
3. Other players can invade your game and kill you. I am not sure but I think they have to do this in order to unlock certain items or something.

Why do people play this game? It doesn’t sound very fun at all. It sounds a little torturous. Did you see the official website up there? The URL is “preparetodie.com”. That sounds like fun. Anyhow, Dark Souls came out last week and some people seem to be in love with hating themselves so they are playing it. Also, that is not the actual box art. BAM!

This game supposedly took the Demon Souls concept and ran with it; I’ve heard some pretty awesome things about it, the most intriguing being that this thing clocks in at 100 hours of gameplay. Also that it is actually scary in many places and is a great big world to explore (Demon Souls was more level based). The thing I hear the most though is “I die a lot”.  So is that 100 real hours of gameplay? Or is it about 20 hours of gameplay and 80 hours of dying repeatedly? I may never know. I really hope Jorno plays this game, even if he doesn’t write an article about it maybe he’ll talk about it on a podcast.

So, if reports are to be believed Amazon will be throwing their hat into the tablet ring by launching the Amazon Kindle Fire. Do you see what they did there? They had a device that they called the “Kindle” and that was just an e-reader. Tablets are like e-readers but on crack, so whoosh! It’s on FIRE!! Kindle Fire in the house! We don’t need no water let the mother fucker burn! Something like that. The cool part is that it might launch as cheap as $250. Why do I care? Well, that’s pretty cheap; half an iPad cheap. Which is cool. I also love my Kindle, and think that e-readers and tablets are nifty and fun. Scott doesn’t though, he would like us to keep burning down trees (not chopping them down for pulp and paper, but just setting them ablaze for shits and giggles) instead of digitizing our literature. He laughs in the face of this new technology and would see us broken down as a race back to caveman days. He doesn’t even want us to be able to read anymore! He must be stopped!

What the fuck am I talking about? Oh yeah, Kindle Fire. The thing should be out by the time you read this (I’m assuming you read this first thing in the morning since that’s when I write it). I might post a follow up this afternoon if it’s super cool. Or I might just forget about it. One of those two things will most certainly occur.

Finally, in a little bit of the old real news, Iraq plans to buy fighter jets (almost wrote “fighter jests” right there and now I’m sad that we’re not talking about that. “I will break your elbow in 7 places old chap!” “Are you being veritable old bean?” “Of course not! It’s merely a jest! En garde!”) for $ 3 billion dollars! F-16s! How many F-16s does $3 billion get you? 18 of them. Now, I understand that things have changed in Iraq and they’re in the process of rebuilding and they’re no longer the enemy of the United States etc. So I’m not going to join the school of thought that they shouldn’t be allowed to have fighter jets because of their past transgressions. Instead, I’m going to say they shouldn’t be allowed to have fighter jets because their war torn fucking country could use 3 billion dollars. This country is 52 billion dollars in debt, has an unemployment rate of upwards of 15% (the United States “super high” unemployment rate is only about 10%), and as of 2007, 53% of the population was living in slums. The way I see it is that $3 billion is only creating 18 jobs (I know I’ve oversimplifying but come on now). How fucking sad is it that a rebuilding country feels like it’s a good idea to buy 18 F-16s instead of dealing with its own economic problems?

What the Fuck, World?

See what I did there?

Dark Soul Image from the Dark Soul Wiki.