In the history of Mondays, this Monday is quite worthy of a good, old fashioned Fuck Monday. (Also, it could use a good Old Fashioned, but I’m at work and a few hours away from a cocktail.)

I am basically having a crappy day full of first world problems. They include:

  • Not enough sleep last night.
  • A twelve-hour headache.
  • Breakfast was not filling enough to last me until lunch.
  • My back is sore and I lift things for a living.
  • Work is busy and hectic and everyone else’s stress is wearing into me.
  • Keith also wrote a Fuck Mondays today, which went up as I was editing this one.

So in honour of this fucking Monday, I’m gonna talk a bit about a few people who are also having a crappy day.

Scott Gomez

Gomer is having a win-lose sort of day. It was announced over the weekend, that while the NHL lockout was finally over and all the players could hit the ice again to get ready for the shortened season, he would not be taking part. He was sent home by the General Manager of the Montreal Canadiens for the remainder of the season, and will have his contract bought out for the remaining years of his contract at season’s end.

Now, being paid what will amount to eight million dollars (8,000,000.00$!) to sit at home for the next, what, five months, doesn’t sound that awful, it does sort of suck to be told “Hey, yeah, we’d rather give you all this money to eat Doritos on your couch than have you wear our sweater again. That’s how bad you are, Scotty. Eight mil, go home and underperform on your own time!”

I’m sure that’s not how the meeting went, but it had to feel like that none the less.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Well, it just about never sucks to be Leo, but last night at the Golden Globes he had to sit at a table with Jodie Foster and Mel Gibson. All night long. That conversation must have been.. great. Just fucking great. Jodie decided to go nuts during her acceptance speech, rambling on about her love life (or lack thereof), while Mel Gibson. That’s it. Mel Gibson is a bad person and he should feel bad.

All the other Django Unchained guys got to sit together, but Leo must have pissed Quentin off something fierce in order to get relegated to the kids table like that.

How do you explain to your date that you’re going to the Golden Globes (Yay!) but not sitting with Jamie Foxx or Christophe Waltz, but instead you’re there with Mel Gibson.

Oh, and there’ll be alcohol served. Ouch.

Jason Sudekis

Just kidding. He woke up this morning and thought “I’m engaged to Olivia Wilde.” That’s gotta rule.