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I know this is two weeks in a row where I’m not talking about horror movies, toys or video games. I promise this kind of thing won’t become the norm. I had originally planned to write about some new music that I was listening to, but that will probably happen in another week or two.

Instead, I want to write about my thoughts on what happened in Paris. More specifically, how the event was mourned, and what we might be able to take away from it.

The events that happened on Friday, November 13th in Paris really shook me up. Maybe because I know people from Paris. Maybe because Sarah spent a summer living there. Hell, maybe because I’m a fan of Eagles of Death Metal and if I happened to be on vacation in Paris that night there would be a very real possibility I would have been at the show.

Whatever the reason, I’ll admit that this particular act of violence hit me harder than the nearly daily reports of violence out of countries like Syria, Lebanon and Iraq, violence that has killed thousands and displaced millions. It hit me harder than the reports coming from the still ongoing Russian military activity within Ukraine, that has had ceasefire violations as recently as a few weeks ago and a death toll of over 8000. It hit me harder than the violence plaguing Mexico during their drug war that recently found a man hanging from a bridge in Mexico City, the capital once thought to be somewhat of a haven from the conflict that has killed over 100,000 people.

Why did it hit me harder than those other violent atrocities?

As much as I might be ashamed to admit it, it’s probably because I feel detached from those countries. Try as I might, I don’t really have anything in common with a lot of these countries. It’s a lifestyle thing, a language thing, a culture thing. When I hear about those reports, I pay attention, I feel bad. But I have a hard time feeling connected to the people enduring this violence. I don’t know how much of that is human nature and how much of it is just a self-preservation tactic of my brain. On the one hand, it’s hard for humans to empathize with something or someone they don’t understand and don’t have a lot in common with. On the other, maybe our brains are protecting us since if we truly felt the pain of every act of violence that was occurring on the planet we’d likely all be crippled by fear and remorse.

Facebook quickly launched an app that let people overlay their profile pictures with a filter of the French flag to allow users to engage in some solidarity movement to let the world know their thoughts were with the victims of the violence in Paris. No sooner had the wave of red, white and blue (for once not the American version of those colours) overtaken Facebook did a very vocal, very justified group of people ask the questions: “What about the civilians killed in the ongoing conflict in Syria?” or “What about the bombings that occurred in Beirut?” After all, those events had literally transpired only a handful of days before the attacks in Paris. Where were their Facebook filters?

Some people defended the filters, asking to mourn in their own way. Others removed them, maybe thinking it was wrong to mourn one and not the other.

What a lot of people didn’t seem to notice (or at least openly) was that at least there was a discussion starting.

Maybe it takes something hitting close to understand that there really isn’t a difference between the violence . Whether it comes from the extremist, the drug cartels or a dubious military occupation (to name a few), the reality of a casualty is the same. It doesn’t matter who did the killing, or who was being killed. In the end, a family is missing a loved one. A life that should have gone on longer was cut short.

Maybe we all need a lesson in empathy. Just because we don’t have the same skin colour, culture, language, or beliefs as someone doesn’t actually mean we don’t have anything in common with them.

I think it’s ok that France hit us a little harder. At least, initially. After all, they seem to be a lot like us. The attack felt more real because it really felt like it could have happened here. Nobody can tell you what events you should mourn, what events will make you contemplative. If you are suddenly becoming aware of other atrocities and violence, you can take that grief and sadness and apply it across the planet. Use that emotional response to feel compassion for every single human who has felt the effects of war and violence. Maybe it happened to people performing some cultural tradition we don’t understand and not at a rock concert, but it shouldn’t matter. People who had been going about their day as best as they could died for someone else’s agenda.

You don’t have to be ashamed that your reactions started with Paris, but they don’t have to end there.

One of the things that I like to think about is how we don’t have a proper perspective on war and death, because we only have our own experiences to base it off of. In no way am I minimizing the tragedies that humanity has faced, but the reality is less and less people are dying each year in violent conflict. As bad as things might seem in light of recent and ongoing events, humanity is actually doing a lot better at not killing each other since the end of World War II.

It might not seem like it, but we’re a lot more peaceful than we used to be. And we’re maybe even closer to an even greater peace. Wouldn’t it be nice to think that these violent actions are the last attempts to coerce a violent reaction from the human race and if we can get passed them without resorting to unjust retaliatory violence and judgment and bigotry we can move even further away from a culture of war and violence?

Yeah, that would be nice. I’d rather be an optimist and stay open to the good in people than be riled up by a select few who’s goal is to spread fear and anger for their own gains.

I highly recommend watching this video if you don’t believe me:

Montreal Solidarity March: GRAHAM HUGHES / THE CANADIAN PRESS

Keith does all sorts of things here on 9to5.cc, he works with the other founders on 9to5 (illustrated), co-hosts our two podcasts: The 9to5 Entertainment System and Go Plug Yourself and blogs here as The Perspicacious Geek.