Listen up. I’m about to go to Taiwan for nearly 3 weeks but I’ve set it up so that there will be Perspicacious Geek posts every week that I’m gone. Why? Because I love you. Each and every single one of you.

That being said, this post, of the three upcoming is by far the biggest cop out.

As you may have heard on the latest 9ES, Jon and I went to the capitol city of our neighbours to the South: Washington, D.C. to see the Foo Fighters and a million special guests for the 4th of July. My garbage millennial (hang on, I’m 32, am I still a millennial?) attitude had me being a little disappointed that Obama wasn’t at the concert (or maybe he was and didn’t feel the need to come out and address the crowd and if that’s the case then thanks for nothing Obama). However, absence of seeing the leader of the free world in person it was a pretty great trip. Here are some highlights that I actually thought to take a photo. Do not expect much and also my phone makes purple dots in photos. DEAL WITH IT. Oh and spoilers, the absolutely best photo of the bunch is the one at the bottom, feel free to skip the rest of my bullshit and head on down.IMG_20150703_195550

Aww, look at that guy, pointing at that house. That’s the White House son. Because it’s white. Also because it was only ever the home for white people until pretty recently. Also, those two girls must be sisters, right? The ones in the blue. They are like the same. Also pictured: Walter’s wife Catherine and a person on a Segway and a police car keeping us all safe. Moving right along.IMG_20150703_201532Here’s Sarah paying homage to Australian comedian Jon Bennett. This picture actually ended up causing some spirited discussion between myself and Jono about whether or not taking such a picture was disrespectful or insulting. Jon felt that it was insulting to the country. Now, I looked it up and this monument isn’t actually representative of the country, it’s actually just a memorial to George Washington himself, not sure if that changes the argument or not. Anyways, here’s how I see it: this is a photo. We didn’t damage or desecrate the monument in any way, shape or form. Instead we just got a funny picture where America’s penis is now Sarah’s penis. I’m pretty sure it’s disrespectful, and certainly this wasn’t done with a tremendous amount of reverence for the late founding father of America but also, it’s funny. We did this for you Mr. Bennett.IMG_20150703_210513Now THAT’s what I call a monument. I honestly can’t express how goddamned imposing this thing was. I tried to make sure we got some people in the shot to kind of show that a grown person would barely come up to the statue’s knees. Also, it has the Declaration of Independence etched into the walls on the sides of him. Have you ever read it? You should. Even if you’re not American that’s some power shit right there. Note: I would never pose with this statue of Abe Lincoln as my dick, Abe 1 – George 0. IMG_20150703_230328We went to an amazing restaurant called Oyamel for dinner. The food was amazing and if you’re ever in D.C. I would highly recommend it. Anyways, this delightful little display is there to greet you at… the urinals. Yep, when you’re taking a pee you can look at all these awesome little skeleton mariachis and whatnot doing their thing. I never wanted to leave the bathroom!IMG_20150704_172817I eventually made my way out of the bathroom and we made it to the concert. We had dollar store ponchos but only Sarah wore one. The rest of bravely hid under the canopy a single row behind her. The show was seriously nearly 12 hours. IMG_20150704_181020This photo was taken about 2 or 3 hours into the concert. As you can see the garbage is already overflowing with empty beer boxes that were being filled quickly by staff as the hustled to quench our thirst with $9 domestic cans of Bud. Mmmm. Yeah, there were a lot of people there.PANO_20150704_215032This was one of my first attempts ever at taking a panorama photo and other than a few people’s heads getting squished up I am very happy with the results. Look at all them people. That bright thing in the middle of the crowd is Dave Grohl’s Rock Throne. PANO_20150704_234853

And what would 4th of July be without some dope ass fireworks?IMG_20150706_122551We went to a local chain (those still exist) breakfast place called Hansal and Griddle’s in New Jersey. These incense sticks weren’t at that place, but I felt the need to mention it since Hansal and Griddle’s actually had “Hansal… He’s so hot right now” on their wall and it made me laugh. Not as much as these incense sticks did though. These were at the gas station next door.

First of all there’s the branding. This is Grandpa’s Incense. And you know what scents Grandpa likes? Pussy and Michelle Obama. Looking at this photo makes me immensely regret not buying both of these. I really want to know Grandpa thinks these two things smell like.

Anyways, that was our trip to Washington, I am soon to be on a plan for Taiwan. You should be pretty jealous of the summer I’m having. Later taters.

Keith does all sorts of things here on 9to5.cc, he works with the other founders on 9to5 (illustrated), co-hosts our two podcasts: The 9to5 Entertainment System and Go Plug Yourself and blogs here as The Perspicacious Geek.

 

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