WTF World 9: Daryl Hannah Arrested, Chaz Bono Dancing and the Razer Blade Laptop
Is it sort of sad that every time I write this column I need to physically go to the site to see what number I’ve gotten to? Mark my words, sooner or later you will see the same number twice. I will likely be none the wiser. Probably ever.
Also, I’ve stopped completely trusting Google Trends. Not their service, it’s a fine service, but I’ve stopped trusting it to providing me with content I can actually use. Kind of. Let me explain.
The problem with their service is that it relies to heavily on the users of the internet. Who uses the internet? Goddamn everybody. What does everybody care about? Celebrity news. Or so it seems. As such, WTF World has sort of become a celebrity news column. I’m not entirely cool with that. To avoid that, I’m going to be playing with some of the many matrices (which is the plural of ‘matrix’) that Google Trends offers to try and come up with some gaming and sports news. Or as I like to call it: real news. I’ll still probably have some trending celebrity stuff too because gosh darnit, I’ve just grown accustomed to this shit.
Daryl Hannah literally just got fucking arrested (I’m writing this Tuesday night). There’s a video of it! Oh. That’s it? The cops just quietly tell her to stand up and then she willingly just lets herself get arrested? No kicking and screaming? No violent outbursts? Why isn’t she high on crystal meth? She sort of had good cause? Fuck this noise. I guess she’s from a different era of celebrity. I want more Lelo in my news. You’ll notice I used a photo of Hannah from Blade Runner. Not a current photo, but certainly a cooler photo.
Anyhow, Hannah was arrested protesting the Keystone Pipeline project. “Keystone Pipeline” is not a trending search, but I mean, she’s the hottest search in the world at this very moment, so her arrest certainly helped the cause I guess. Basically it’s a tremendously large pipeline which will let us sell our sweet sweet Canadian crude oil to large American markets. Presumably this was all thought of before the market collapse and when your project costs $13 billion, you just sort of roll with it.
As these things do, there will be an enormous (heh, I typo’d “enormouse”, it made me laugh, then I Googled it. It’s a book! About a cat who trains a bunch of mice to work together to form a giant lion shaped creature made of mice. That is fucking terrifying!) environmental impact. Hanah says “Not cool Keystone Pipeline. Not cool.” Well, she says other stuff, watch the video I linked to up there to see what she really says.
Stupid Daryl Hannah getting arrested for legitimate non-drug related issues. The other big celebrity story was about Chaz Bono being cast in Dancing With the Stars and ABC’s fans being all outraged. I’m not writing much about that though because it’s fucking stupid. You can’t be mad when a shitty reality show casts someone just to be controversial, getting mad is exactly what the studio executives want you to do. I was shocked at the casting because they cast a big fat man on a dance show. The fact that he was a big fat woman before he became a man doesn’t bother me. Although, now I want to see him dance. Mainly because of that Chris Farley bit in Tommy Boy, Man I hope Chaz wears a little coat. You’ve won this round ABC. Well played. Sidenote: I seriously had to look up whether or not Cher was dead.
The hottest search in gaming news right now is the Razer Blade laptop. Which, other than being a mockery of spelling is apparently a pretty big fucking deal. From the press release:
PAX Prime, Seattle – August 26th, 2011 – The PC industry today has never looked bleaker. The world’s largest PC-maker Hewlett-Packard just announced their intention to explore the separation of its PC business. With PC manufacturers increasingly abandoning design and technology in lieu of outsourcing and cost-cutting, the PC industry has seen a severe dearth of innovation in recent years. Gaming consoles have also taken advantage of this innovation slump in the PC industry to garner attention from game developers and gamers alike, to the extent that now PC versions of cross-platform games are often sub-par ports of their console counterparts.
Razer, the world leader in high performance gaming hardware, introduces the Razer Blade – a full aluminum chassis gaming laptop featuring true portability, incredible performance, and an all-new revolutionary user interface. With the introduction of the Razer Blade – a feat of modern-day systems engineering and technology, Razer is reinvigorating technological and design innovation for the entire PC industry, and encouraging gamers and developers to return to the PC as the primary gaming platform of choice.
I’m no media guru but when launching your brand new PC, should your opening sentence really be “The PC industry today has never looked bleaker”? Regardless, this laptop comes from PC gaming giant “Razer”. Am I the only one who’s never heard of this company before? I’ll admit, I’m not much of a PC gamer myself but after a quick trip to their Wikipedia page I found out that they mostly make peripherals. That doesn’t sound like an awesome background to make the “world’s first true gaming laptop” to me. Let’s learn more! Learning!
Let’s see, NVIDIA GeForce GPU, 8 GB DDR3 RAM, Intel i7 processor, not going to lie, I don’t know what a lot of this means. Remind me to ask Jorn if this is any good. In the meantime, I can say that it doesn’t look that cool other than the neato touch pad interface thing on the side there. People seem excited for it though. Wait, hold the fucking phone. The thing is$2800! As this comic kindly points out (tee hee, rage comic) there’s a lot better ways to spend $2800 on your gaming needs.
One thousand words.
Chaz Bono: E-Online
Daryl Hannah: Film Noir Photos
Razer Blade: The corporate site
