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We’ve all added stuff to the dictionary of our phones to facilitate our own slang. Most cell phone dictionaries don’t contain nearly enough cuss words for the average person so adding words like shit and fuck is basically a necessity if your potty mouth crosses over into your text message and emails. You’ve read enough of my articles to know that they totally do. I’m also pretty sure a lot of you have gone ahead and added other stuff to your phone that’s outside of your standard cuss words. Maybe they’re accidental saves or maybe you just routinely use nonsense words with enough frequency that it warrants adding these made up words to the dictionary. Who knows? I’m also not going to include other “must have” short hands like “np”, “brb”, “lol”, etc. because let’s be honest those are basically necessity. I think it is worth noting though that I have a million permutations of “lol” depending on the lol I want to convey. Lols, lulz, lol, lololol, and maybe a few others.

Here are some of my favorites that are saved in my own phone right now:

AhsumSaus

All one word. Terribly spelt. This word, along with “Cool Beans” is something I will tend to use as a confirmation that the plans are confirmed.

Me: You still coming for hockey?
Scott: Yep
Me: AhsumSaus

Arkham

You’ve probably read about, heard about (and if you haven’t why not?) or know firsthand about our love of Arkham Horror the board game. Most of the time I use Swype typing and without programming my phone to know the word “Arkham” my phone would think I was trying to type “Asian”. I felt awkward about inviting my friends over to play Asian Horror. Naturally this also means that “cthulhu” is in my personal dictionary as well.

Cuz

This is a must have for just about everyone. We’ve all come to accept poor spelling and grammar in our text communications and let’s face it, typing “because” all the time on a phone sucks proper dick. It also doubles for when I’m text messaging my cousin.

Keithmas

Sooner or later I will write up a proper history of Keithmas, maybe closer to actual event (it is only 5 or 6 weeks away). We’ve touched on it a few times on the site. Basically it’s the Christmas in December that you actually look forward to. You get cool presents and eat bacon treats. Everyone goes home a winner and sometimes Walter throws up Four Loko.

Mayyyybe

Added to my dictionary so that I can accurately convey my consideration. Without vocal tone in your texts it can be tough if you’re saying a dismissive “Maybe” or if you’re actually considering the option. I opted to add a bunch of “Ys” into the middle so you know that I’m seriously considering your suggestion as an option.

Pacman

This isn’t in there because I play a lot of Pacman. It’s there because a few years ago I discovered that Scott’s wife was born the same year that Pacman came out. I decided I was going to start calling her Pacman and it stuck for a quite a while. She used to hate it but then it sort of grew on her and now she’s got a couple of Pacman things that she’s sweet on. I feel like she’s managed to shake it off a little bit by becoming a mom. I gotta bring it back. Gonna start calling the baby “Little Pacman” possibly.

Pookoo, Lookoo and Snookoo

All of these are various pet names for my girlfriend. Sometimes all three of them at once. Adding goofy fucking pet names into your phone lets you stay cute and gross to all your friends all the time. Also prevents you from calling your girlfriend a Shoji (which is what my phone would try to correct “Snookoo” to, of course we all know that a shoji is a door, window or room divider consisting of translucent paper over a frame of wood which holds together a lattice of wood or bamboo, duh).

Poutine, Dep and Oui

As you probably know, this website is based out of Montreal. Even though we’re all pretty much anglos (Sophie has a French name and speaks perfect French but whatever right?) French has a way of popping up into our vernacular all the time. Sometimes it makes more sense somehow to say Oui instead of Yes. Poutine is a real word in both languages and the dep is where you get the beers (short for dépanneur, which is French for convenience store).

Here’s a sweet lesson on why a dep is called a dep. Dépanneur comes from the French verb dépanner which basically means to troubleshoot or to solve problems. So if you have a small problem (ie: you don’t have any more beer), then you go to the problem solving store: the dépanneur.

Rasslin

If you’re a listener of the Go Plug Yourself podcast, you know that we spend a good amount of time watching pro wrestling. We could almost always just write wrestling but it’s much more fun to say “rasslin’”. Go on, try it.

Whhaaaaat and Wut

Much like “mayyyyybe” above these two variations of “what” are just different ways to convey different implications of the word. “Whhaaaat” obviously describes some extreme disbelief and “wut” is used when you’re a little taken aback by whatever the person just said. Not sure why “wat” and “what” are not in there, but they should be.

Habs and Habbies

It’s important to be able to talk about your sports team using their collective nickname. I’d imagine if you lived in Ottawa you’d probably have “Sens” in your phone and if you lived in Toronto you’d have “thatteamthatsucksoutmysoul” in your phone. For us Montrealers it’s very important to be able to quickly type “Habs” into your phone since about 20% of my text messages are about the team during the season (that goes up to like 40% during the playoffs). I made these statistics up.

I’ve got a bunch of other stuff in my personal dictionary, but these are pretty much the besties. I would love to hear if you cats and kittens have your own amazing personal words in your dictionary so uh, comment or tweet at me or something. Social media or some nonsense.

Keith does all sorts of things here on 9to5.cc, he works with the other founders on 9to5 (illustrated), co-hosts our two podcasts: The 9to5 Entertainment System and Go Plug Yourself and blogs here as The Perspicacious Geek.