9to5 (dot cc)

If you see me fiddling on my phone, chill the fuck out.

I find that there are numerous blogs, inspirational posters and videos about how the use of cell phones is destroying our culture and our humanity. “Oh my God,” cries someone who must think my mom didn’t raise me correctly, “get off your cell phone!”

As is so often the case on the interwebs, there is a complete lack of a balanced perspective. Since this whole column is supposed to be about finding balance between geek life and “real” life I figured I would start with something that at its core is geeky and how to find balance in your life. If you think for a second that using an ultra-high tech device with a touch screen that lets you instantly communicate over a variety of platforms (instant messenger, email, phone, text message, Skype, and on and on) while listening to music, checking websites and shooting birds at pigs (or making birds flap, or trying to get to 2048, or crushing candy) isn’t the stuff of Star Trek dreams you’re being crazy. Using a smartphone is the most accepted form of geeking out there is. We are all geeks playing with gadgets.

The problem with the whole smartphone debate is that the anti-cell phone side of the coin is completely black and white. If you play on your phone in public you are a bad person who is letting real life pass you by while you “waste time” on digital fun times. Your children will grow up without you noticing, you will never see another sunset and you will die loveless and alone.

Fuck you.

I exchange emails with my friend Ronan who lives in another country a dozen times a day, I check Facebook and see what my friends are up to and comment and interact with them all the time, I play online cell phone games with people from around the globe, I can check Instagram and see photos that Scott puts up of his son growing up. At the core, just about everything that’s going on with your smartphone is connecting you with people in new and exciting ways all the fucking time. What exactly is going on around me that is more amazing than all that? Probably nothing. On the off chance that something amazing does happen I will be able to take a picture or a video and share it with the world. So dismissing all that as a waste of time makes you sound like a Luddite grandpa who is scared of the way technology is changing the world.

Of course, as with all things, it is about balance. If the only way you’re interacting with people is through your phone, you might have a problem. If you’re sitting down with a friend for coffee and you want to have a nice one-on-one conversation with them and then you’re checking Facebook instead, you’re being a douchebag.

If you see someone is sitting down with a friend for coffee and they both feeling like checking Facebook at the same time? They’re doing nothing wrong. It’s fucking fine. Chill out. Maybe they don’t feel like talking to each other. Maybe they’re playing a phone game together. Maybe you’re being a judgmental asshole when you say “Look at these people on their phones when they could be talking.”

It’s simple: Play on your phone as much as you want if it’s not to the detriment of what you is doing (I want to go on record as saying that I wrote the end of that sentence as “what you are doing” but Word seemed to think the sentence was better as “what you is doing”, who am I to question our robot overlords?). I’ve got a friend (let’s call him Andy) who has mentioned that he wants to spend less on his phone. Why? Because he plays on his phone all the time while watching movies or TV shows and is missing parts of his favorite movies and TV shows. Well duh, Andy! You were playing on your phone when you were intending on giving your attention to something else. I’ll admit, in this scenario the only person who’s losing out is Andy, but the lesson is doubly important if you’re ruining someone else’s time too. If you get together with someone expressly to hang out, maybe don’t immediately take out your phone.

I’ve got another idea that is rooted in basic manners. How about when you feel like taking out your phone and checking Facebook you ask the person you’re with if they mind? We wouldn’t turn on the TV and pay attention to it in the middle of a conversation would we? Well, we might, but we would (if we’re half decent) probably ask permission. “Hey, do you mind if I put the game on?” Why don’t we apply that to our phones? “Hey, do you mind if I check my emails? I’m expecting something and don’t worry I’m still listening.” What a novel idea.

So yeah, it’s all about balance. Play on your phone as much as you like as long as it’s not distracting you from important stuff like a movie you’d like to be watching or a friend you’re catching up with. If you’re with someone who isn’t playing on their phone, maybe ask before you start doing it yourself?

I’m pretty sure you’ll be a lot more Ferris Bueller about the whole thing. Life moves pretty fast.

Next week I think I’ll be writing about the equally modern day topic of why arguing on the internet is probably bad for you. Also, if you read this on a cell phone I will award you one imaginary 9to5 (dot ccoin) that is redeemable for a high-five.