9to5 (dot cc)

So, I work at this website. You know this website. The one you’re reading this on. I feel I have a loaded gun and no idea how to fire it. Sophie and Scott, they make art. They use this website to showcase their art. That’s something I can get behind. Art enriches and expands the mind and all that. Yes, even the Bad Dudes general guy. Your mind is enriched by him.

It’s a little harder to put a bead on what it is that I do. Am I contributing anything? I write a lot. I mean, I haven’t added it up exactly, but most of my articles come in at around 1000 words. That’s usually where I just give up and stop writing. I’ve written a little over 65 articles. So, I’ve plugged away at the keyboard and generated around 65,000 words? That seems like too much, some of my posts are just drawings. Let’s skim 10,000 words. 55,000 words that I have pooped into the internet. That blows my mind. With only the bare minimum of Googling (fuck you Bing) I’ve found that in a normal format novel  holds between 400 and 500 words. That’s 110 pages. That’s 14 less pages than Albert Camus’ The Outsider. I don’t think anyone would buy my book.

I don’t feel good about what I’ve written. I think it was fun, but it’s not like I could show my kids and be like “Look at what daddy did”. Except that time where I wrote captions for a girl eating shit, I think that’s the sort of thing you keep for posterity.

Fuck, I barely think anyone would read my book, even if it was free. Well, that’s not entirely true, people read this website. I think that’s maybe a bigger credit to the art and the comic though than my writing. Our podcast is pretty fun too if you’re into that sort of thing. But my writing? I feel like anybody reading it would be wasting their time.

Why would they want to waste their time like that?

I originally wrote “I have no idea” but then I realized that I did. I know why. It’s because we have so much free time that anything can hold our attention.

Now I feel a little bit better. If someone asked me “Is reading your website more enlightening than watching Jersey Shore?” I could tell them earnestly that it was. In fact, I think reading this website is a better way to spend your time than watching most TV.

Still though, I feel inadequate as an author. With thousands of people hitting this site every month I want to smack them in the face with something. I want people to read what I write and have it make a fucking difference. Is that so much to ask?

I’m not about to stop talking about poop and I really don’t want to get too serious during this whole tangent. I just feel like I could be doing better. I feel like I could make you laugh harder, I feel like I could make you think harder. I feel like I could reach into your pants and make your… the only solution is to starting writing drunk. It worked for Hemmingway. Or better yet, I’ll just start writing high out of my mind, it worked for Hunter S.

Is there even a point? News travels too fast nowadays. It’s not like I can give you a scoop. Instead of well thought out journalism and reporting we get our news from 150 character tweets before anyone with a fucking brain can process it and make sense of it.

We can’t trust the mainstream media outlets for any sort of a well thought out informed opinion that doesn’t support some hidden agenda, and we certainly can’t even trust ourselves. We’re just idiots on the internet. We’re just as misinformed as the rest of them. I’m not saying “we” like the 4 of us here at 9to5 (dot cc), I’m saying “we” like every single blogger, redditor, twitterer, facebooker and fuck up with a keyboard and an internet connection. Should I have said “tweeter”? That sounds wrong.

“We” don’t know what we’re doing.

“We” won’t ever figure it out.

To hit a mass audience you need to pander to the lowest common denominator. At that point whatever message you had in the first place has been chewed up and watered down and probably has nothing to do with what you wanted it to in the first place.

So, what do I do?

I do what everyone on the internet does. I’ll keep wasting my time. Maybe at 100,000 words I’ll have something worthwhile to say. Until then I’m just pointless on the internet. Like everyone else.

I really should never allow myself to write these things late at night.

#pointlessontheinternet