The internet seems to be absolutely buzzing about the release of Star Wars: The Complete Saga. Not because we get the beloved trilogy in beautiful HD Blu Ray format (and those other 3 movies as a bonus), but because yet again, Lucas is adding and editing shit to the original 3 films we all love so much. He’s changing the colours of lightsabers, he’s adding CG eyes to Wicket, there’s even supposedly a whole new intro to Return of the Jedi.

Disclaimer: I do actually think it’s cool to go back to the dailies and dig up some deleted scenes to show the die-hard fans some lost tidbits years later. However, these go in a Special Features section from the main menu under the heading “Deleted Scenes”. Keep them out of the goddamned movie.

Eventually, the Star Wars well will run dry, he can only add and change so much before his hunger can no longer be sated by the defilement of a single film series.  Soon, he will turn his eyes upon his other creations so that they too might be desecrated. Of course, he would start at the beginning:

Why stop there though? Surely his other films could be improved upon? Eventually though, he would even run out his own movies. He would turn his cinematic molester’s eye on other works, likely starting with the work of his good friend Steven Spielberg. Of course he would slowly ravage his way through other people’s films, working his way into television, comics and books (click a thumb to see how he might destroy the work in question).


Where would he stop? He probably wouldn’t: