This is the coin slot from a washing machine in my building. Somebody really wanted to get those coins.

This is the coin slot from a washing machine in my building. Somebody really wanted to get those coins. It’s a metaphor for something.

Did I Write This Week?

A little bit. A very little bit. I was really hoping to have had time to knock out another part (only 2 parts left of my zombie nonsense, should be putting out the conclusion very soon) this past week, it just didn’t materialize. I basically reviewed a part and made some edits, and have nothing else to show for it.

Why Not?

Self-motivation is hard man. I literally watched David Blaine perform some card tricks on Jimmy Fallon instead of writing anything. I don’t even like David Blaine. I mean, they’re good card tricks but come on now, was that a good use of my time?

You know what I don’t like? I hate feeling guilty for not writing. But then again, if I didn’t feel guilty I would probably never be able to shame myself into sitting down and writing. It’s a tricky balance, right? I really hate how often a shitty feeling in my stomach is what actually gets me to sit down and force myself to write.

Through the course of working on this website I would say that I’ve added a measurable amount of stress and output based stress to my life. I get worked up about whether or not we’ll have a podcast every week (incidentally, every now and then I do the math and basically for the last 4 years 9to5.cc has put up a podcast week, that’s crazy). I stress about finding time to write creatively. I stress out about forcing myself to write this blog once a week. I stress out about getting together to write the comics. Is it even worth it?

I mean, I don’t kid myself. I know that not many people will read or enjoy most of what I do, so why bother?

The long and the short of it is that I don’t think I like being defined by my job. I think life would be much easier if I just went to work, went to the gym, played video games and watched movies. Every now and then I would go on vacation or to a concert or something. I wouldn’t need to hassle Walter to make sure we’ve got a guest for Go Plug Yourself, I wouldn’t have to get the gang together for podcasts and comic writing. I wouldn’t have to find time each week to blog or make myself write.

I also think it’s important to note that I don’t hate my job. I like the people I work with and I like what I do. It’s just not exactly something that I find defines me as a person. If I didn’t do all this other stuff what else would I be defined by? My video game achievements? Those are great and all, but I don’t think I’d be all that happy with it.

I think the part of me that would be the most upset if I went this route would be the part of me that likes to have something to show for my time. How many afternoons spent playing video games could I enjoy before I started to get into my own head about how pointless it all was?

I don’t know man. It’s all probably pointless. But at least this way I’m contributing instead of just consuming.

Or something.

Love you.

Keith does all sorts of things here on 9to5.cc, he works with the other founders on 9to5 (illustrated), co-hosts our two podcasts: The 9to5 Entertainment System and Go Plug Yourself and blogs here as The Perspicacious Geek.

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